If that was your dad, he is hot
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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