Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
