who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
True strength comes from lack of pants
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
