if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize