My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
