I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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