there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
