he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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