he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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