umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
