umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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