im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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