wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
