Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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