you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
