She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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