you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
