so explain again why im purple
no
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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