Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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