Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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