my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize