i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
