i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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