Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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