Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
