Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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