Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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