Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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