Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize