Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Even my vagina gasped.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
All I want is dick and wine.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
