I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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