I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
