So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
