This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
