i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
