i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
