i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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