After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
