I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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