I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
