btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
