i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
