is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
