There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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