my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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