you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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