We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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