There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
