Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
