I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize