fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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