We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
