make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize