You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
