My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
