Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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