A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
