and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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