U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you will always have a special place in my vag
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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