Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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