I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
