SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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