So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
