The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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