I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
