Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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