She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
