It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
